I decided to give these series of writings the name ‘Awakening Diaries’. This name came to me a few days ago, but since then, I haven’t been able to write a word apart from taking notes of words that I have heard from others.
I have also been told to stop writing while I am in meditation or while I’m listening to a talk about ‘deep subjects’ as it might be a way my ego uses to distract me from what is important. However, today I felt the urge to write and it is because I want to dedicate these words to Jesus Christ.
I am writing these words during what we have called ‘Good Friday’, that day when we recall the ‘death’ of Jesus Christ, and his crucifixion. A day in which I have been invited to be humble, as life has been inviting me to be since last year, when I experienced one of the strongest life crisis I never thought I was going to experience in my life.
On this day, I came across the beautiful and powerful Greek term ‘Kenosis’, which means ‘emptying oneself’. This is precisely what I have been trying to do in the last years of my life, with apparently none success. I do trust, deep inside my heart that God knows my heart as no one else does and he sees the success that I’m not able to see yet.
I have been fasting today and I’m thirsty, but I also know that my thirst doesn’t compare anything to the suffering of Jesus Christ in the cross. I do see his suffering with compassion and deep gratefulness for what he came here to teach us.
Also, the Sacred Heart of Jesus Christ has appeared to me in crucial life moments, life crises, and moments of deep meditation and communion through love with all that is. I do know deep inside that the Sacred Heart of Jesus Christ is not an invention, it does exist and it is beating eternally and sending deep love to all of us, regardless if we feel it or not.
In this world full of appearances I don’t care anymore if anyone will call me religious, or gnostic, or whatever they want to call me… or confused, or ignorant. I am just sharing my experience of what having certainty of God’s love really means.
I am not saying it’s easy. This road has been full of dark moments, moments in which I have felt I am going to give up on everything including life itself. And in those moments it is when God makes his divine appearance, when he holds you through his deep love and tells you in every way to keep going, as he did, in the cross.
I empty myself beautiful dear God, for you, for you to fill me up with your love and whatever else you know you need to fill me up with. I trust your mercy and your infinite love and respect you have for me.
I empty myself for you dear God, you know I can’t take this anymore, this pain I feel about what doesn’t matter anymore. I have wanted to leave this body for so long and to be close to you, closer than I am now. And you know you have given me strength to keep holding onto this existence. To know that there might be a deeper purpose for my life. God, you only know.
I feel tightness in my throat… deep pain of not been able to scream of pain… I need to surrender in silence, as you did precious King.
After I finished writing these words, I came across this beautiful and complete article about the ‘Dark Night of the Soul‘ that soothed me as only God could do.
Thanks dear Donald W. Ekstrand for writing it, and thank you God for helping me find it too. I hope it serves you well, you who are reading these words.
Yesterday evening, I also found this beautiful meditation to connect with the Sacred Heart of Jesus Christ, by Heart Intelligence Coach Gabriel Gonsalves, which I hope will serve all of you well during these transforming times.
And lastly, I want to share this also beautiful ‘Kenosis Prayer’ I originally found in this source:
Prayer in Emptiness (A Kenosis Prayer)
Jesus, I come to You today empty.
I don’t feel I have anything to bring to You except my poor self.
And today, that doesn’t feel as if it’s enough.
I feel helpless and vulnerable, lost and desolate.
This sharp-edged emptiness reminds me
how dependent I truly am on You,
that I am not self-sufficient,
that I need to learn to trust You always more.
You experienced this emptiness while You were here on earth.
You let go of not just the fullness of divinity but even of the human respect You deserved,
in order to be with us, to teach us, to serve us, and to save us.
You emptied Yourself for me, so that I can offer my emptiness to You to be filled.
Divine Master, fill me with what I need most:
Your love and Your grace.
Hold me close to Your Merciful Heart
until the day that I am made whole in You,
immersed in the loving embrace of the Most Holy Trinity. Amen.
Artist, art educator and art therapist. Passionate about life, nature, and love!